How to spot a womanizer…

I came across an interesting article on “How to spot a player” on match.com.  I say it’s interesting because only half of the list fits Casanova’s profile and made me wonder if it’s this easy to spot one…

1. Being too vague is a bad thing – Casanova has accomplished so many things that he could and will explain in details.  His story telling is so good, that people are drawn to his speech… He doesn’t have to be vague about his work because it’s all written on the LinkedIn profile with many recommendations from his clients and co-workers.  He has well over 500 connections and it’s just impossible to lie…  Casanova is not only intelligent, but he can play sports, chess, poker, watched a lot of movies, listens to all sorts of music, so his stories aren’t made up.  Casanova will even talk about his past relationships, but since he’s such a smooth talker and remembers what he says, it won’t sound vague at all.

2. Beware of radical departures from the online profile – As mentioned above, Casanova doesn’t lie on his profile except from his willingness to find the special person. He even displays his age preference from 21-45, which should be a yellow flag but desperate or vulnerable woman don’t catch that.  So I think he’s being pretty honest here, and it’s SO TRUE that he’s un-attached!!!

Hi- I’m hoping to connect with a special person, to explore the world together and build a happy relationship. Looking for someone who enjoys conversation and appreciates a healthy lifestyle. Some hiking/kayaking, drinking tea on a rainy day, getting on a plane and flying somewhere spontaneously, reading a good book by a fire…are all ideal activities. I’m accomplished in my career, un-attached and ready for a relationship.

Seeking:women 21-45

3. Your date is prone to last-minute cancellations – This is true with Casanova.  He will give a lame excuse to cancel the date or change the time.  He would say things like “have dinner with client”, “have an early meeting tomorrow…need to go to bed early”, or “exhausted and not feeling sexual”.  Other men I’ve dated came to see me after a business trip or wanted me to come over even if they had an early meeting, so I know when Casanova cancelled, it was for another reason.

4. Your date’s available only on certain days – This is true too.  For the first 4 months into dating, he spent most weekdays and weekends seeing me.  He didn’t care what time of the day, he tried see me whenever he wanted to.  But in the 5th month, it all started to change.  He mostly saw me on weekdays and started giving me excuses for the weekend. When I witnessed him with another woman last year on a Sunday afternoon, he had originally told me that he had to work.  I guess when he said “work”, he meant “work on finding the next victim”.

5. Be cautious of the date who never invites you to his or her place – this is NOT true. Casanova will invite a girl to his place on the first date as he actually prefers to show his “playboy mansion”.  He has a great view, fireplace, luxury furniture…. he cooks, lights his beeswax candles, uses his B & O speaker, 60inch smart tv…. he makes it so romantic that most girls would sleep on the first night…

6. Take note if your date recognizes and says hi to everyone in the immediate vicinity – this does NOT happen either.  Casanova and I used to date outside a lot but never ran into somebody we knew.  Unless we live in a small town, San Francisco Bay Area is too big to run into someone.  Like I’ve mentioned before, I ran into him with another woman last year, but that was the ONLY time.

7. Keep your eyes on your sweetie’s cell phone – now this, I agree 100%.  When I started to date Casanova, he would either hand me his cell phone, or hardly ever looked at it.  But a couple of months later, he was constantly checking his phone without turning the ringer on.  He can text faster than any voice recognition software or any typing game, plus he now uses a smartwatch so it’s hard for a girl to look into his screen, but it’s pretty obvious to me when he’s texting to girls by looking at his face and how he hides the phone.

8. And finally, trust your intuition – yes yes yes!  I saw the Yellow flags but ignored them until the red flags showed up.  I still can’t believe how blind Casanova’s woman are by missing the obvious signals and believe in his lame excuses.  How could a 32 year old successful good looking guy settle down?  Unless she’s a goddess, he’s not going to give up the joy of manipulating dozens of woman and feeling the power of control.  Why would he?

key

http://www.match.com/magazine/article/13072/How-To-Spot-A-Player/

How he controls women…

Casanova is extremely experienced in womanizing… he knows what women want, and he will use that against us. For a month, he has been asking me to arrange a threesome with one of my friends. He believes that no women would turn down SEX with a sexy and hot guy like himself… (he said so himself).

Casanova is currently redecorating his apartment with new furniture and rugs, telling me that women love to help decorating.  He knows that women want to feel needed or be a part of his life, so he will chose the furniture himself, but makes sure that his WOMEN are involved by saying, “OUR walls, YOUR bathroom, WE could…, what do YOU think?“. He will take these women to shop with him, buy the pieces himself, but will make the women do the work at home… If people saw what he was doing, these girls are NOT treated like girlfriends but rather a SERVANT.   I know all of this, because I was at his place 2 nights last week.  It’s come to a point where I can see what these women has been doing in his apartment, and how women are manipulated by Casanova. There’s so much evidence left behind that I can’t believe how blind and naive they really are. They leave behind things because they each believe that she’s the ONLY woman entering his apartment.  When Casanova hides their “stuff” left behind, he probably says to them when they come over the next time, “my family and friends came, so I had to move your things”… he used to say that to me too before I found out about his womanizing.

lubricant

Casanova is a successful businessman and there is hardly any woman who could compete against his talent.  He will get her involved in his business so that she would feel like he’s there for a long term relationship.  What they ALL forget, is that he’s the BOSS….. he can easily get rid of her if he wanted to.

How our first kiss went…

I had doubts about Casanova. We met at the speed dating event where I went with 3 girl friends. Out of the 15 girls there that night, he chose me and my friend Kyoko, knowing that we were friends.  He had a date with Kyoko first and kissed. Then went out with me couple of days later… Is that normal?

I kissed him on our second date… but I immediately pushed him away… Casanova had a beard that was hurting my face. Again, he was shocked at my reaction… a reaction that he probably never have gotten before.

He didn’t know how to react and went to the bathroom while I sat there thinking about the reaction I made… yes, it was rude of me… I know. And I feel bad for having done that to him.

I don’t know how long he was gone, but when he came back, I could tell that he was still in shock. Now it was my turn to fix the situation… as he sat down next to me again, I put my hands between his thighs… and to his “thing”. He immediately was turned on by hands… so turned on that he was all over me. I was concerned about the people around us watching with cold eyes, but he didn’t seem to care. I kind of got the feeling that if we didn’t leave now, the hotel would kick us out, so I told Casanova that it was time I went home.

Since he had been paying everything so far, I went to the bar to pay. Casanova came to stop me and said, “don’t ever get your purse out. I’ll take care of you from now on”.

===ATTENTION===

A womanizer moves very fast. He is already telling me that he wants to take care of me… He had told me in his long email that he thought of me as a “potential wife“. A womanizer wants to reach his goal as soon as he can, so he doesn’t waste his time.

While Casanova took care of the check, I waited by the elevator. He came from behind, still turned on from earlier, he was touching and kissing me hard… almost as if he was ready to have sex with me in public.

But I’m a classy girl and don’t give in that easily. I asked him to take me home since I had some studying to do. And like a gentleman, he drove me back… told me that he’s been on many dates, but this was his BEST second date he’s had…

How our second date went…

The next day (Saturday), I had dinner with my girlfriends including Kyoko.  My friends were curious to know about the date I had the night before, so l became “miss chatterbox” and talked about it.  At that time, it didn’t occur to me that Kyoko was feeling uncomfortable about my story.  Though she told me to go on with the date, she may have hoped that he would be interested in her than me…

I found out later that Kyoko and him (I’ll name him “Casanova“) had talked about a weekend getaway. I didn’t know at that time, but while I was talking about Casanova in front of my friends, Kyoko had texted Casanova to cancel the weekend getaway.

Sunday morning around 6am, I received a text from Casanova asking me for a brunch in downtown SF.  He picked me up in front of my house. This time he wore RED pants, T-shirt, and Prada sunglasses.  Definitely gave a different impression, but I like a guy with taste, so his RED pants didn’t bother me. He took me to a fancy hotel restaurant where he had made a reservation before picking me up.  We started eating, and I immediately noticed that he was trying to touch me. I pretended not to notice that, and carried on the conversation. By the time we were done eating, it was obvious that he was interested in me.  He held my hand and lead me out of the hotel where he grabbed a cab.  I had no idea where he was taking us, but just went along with the flow.

We arrived at the Ferry Building where he had already checked the schedule for the next ferry to Sausalito.  I knew from Kyoko that he was a romantic person, but he sure was. He grew up in the bay area and knew all the romantic places, and how to make it romantic. He would tell me about watching the 4th of July fireworks from a Kayak, a beach where only Kayakers can access, lying down to watch the stars, etc… To me, he was TOO romantic… and didn’t understand why he was telling me about these stories.  It only shows that he’s been taking many women to those places, and makes me wonder why I would want to go to the same place? But I just let him be.

On this day, he mostly talked about himself. He talked about his childhood, his family, his job, how he can’t wash a car, back injury, past relationships… and time just flew by really quickly.  After going back to San Francisco, he took me to a bar, “The View”, in Marriott Marquis.  He knew that it was a nice place to see the sunset… with music… food… everything was planned perfectly.

Though he was making his moves, he noticed that I was not reacting the way he had calculated.  By now, I should be leaning against him, kissing, but I wasn’t.

It’s all because of Kyoko. The entire day, I thought about what would have happened if I didn’t agree to meet him for dinner on Friday.  Would he have been on a weekend getaway with Kyoko? Did I take Casanova away from Kyoko?

I told him that I can’t move forward with him because my friendship is more important than a guy. If he has anything going on with Kyoko, that I’m walking away this minute.  Casanova took his blackberry out and tried to show me the email that Kyoko sent. I refused to see the email, but he told me that from the beginning, he wanted to date me and not Kyoko. He thought that Kyoko was a nice lady, and because I didn’t respond to his emails in the beginning, he gave Kyoko a try…He looked upset that I was willing to give up a guy over a friendship. I guess that no girl had done that to him… so he tried to fix the situation by getting closer to me… touching me…

We had already spent about 10 hours that day, and I kind of felt bad for the effort that he had put in.  So I decided to give him a kiss…

This first KISS made Casanova excited… it was the moment he had been waiting for. A step closer to SEX

How we came to our first date…

After reading his long email, or should I say “love letter”, I thought that I should give him a chance. So I agreed to have a coffee/tea on a Friday evening. His emails were sweet. An email can sound exciting even though you can’t hear his voice. Maybe he really was excited to see me… he gave me a choice of 3 dates, all of which did NOT involve coffee/tea but DINNER.

I told Kyoko that I agreed to meet him on a Friday evening. She had been a long time friend, and I thought that she should update her since she went on a date few days ago.  She then told me about the day when a brunch that lasted until night, and that there is still something going “ON” with him.  Immediately after she told me, I thought that I shouldn’t see him because I didn’t want to get in they way IF something is happening between them.  But Kyoko said that I should meet him if he is asking for a chance.

So I did.  He came to pick me up on Friday evening, at San Francisco financial district. Though I had met him at the speed dating event, I didn’t realize how tall he was.  He was 6’4″, wore dark blue jeans with a belt, shirt, and a navy blazer.  He sure was attractive…

=== ATTENTION===

This is a hint that he could be a womanizer.  If you live in the San Francisco Bay Area, you should know that most people dress fairly casual.  Womanizers know that a “clean” look impresses a woman.

I got on to his white Lexus SUV, where he had planned where to park, where to walk, and where to eat (of course, he had made reservations). As we were walking, we passed a homeless person.  There are so many homeless people in San Francisco that makes me worry about the economy and how screwed up the system is.  I began talking about how many people lost their homes back in 2008-2009, when he told me about how the city could help the poor.

=== ATTENTION===

This is another hint. A womanizer will find a way to relate to your story. He will make you think that you have many things in common.

We talked about our 5 minutes at the speed dating.  While I couldn’t remember what we talked about, he remembered our conversation, how I dressed, how I talked, and how I was sitting.  This kind of made me feel bad, but at the same time made me think that he really was interested in me.

Couple of hours flew by pretty fast, and he drove me back home.  That night, I read his long email with the poem again, and realized how much he wanted to get to know me.  I sent him an email, thanking him for the dinner, and also to tell him that I read his email again.

He replied,  “Good night Lady….. Enjoyed our time….falling asleep and thinking of u… “

How the womanizing started…

I learned later, that when he met Kyoko for brunch, a brunch eventually became a 1 day event. Kyoko said that she had a good time with him and kissed him that night.  She also said called him a dating expert, a PRO who knew hundreds of ways to date.  Very romantic and a gentleman, who was extremely good at making a woman comfortable by complementing… After that day, they started texting each other…

While I didn’t know the details of their date or about the texting, I emailed him to let him know that I didn’t have the time for dating.

Next morning, he replied…

Hello,

I hope you are having a good week.  Sad to hear that you are having these kind of thoughts…..I hope you realize that a relationship is more important than school though.  I’ve seen many people make a mistake of focusing too much on studies…when sometimes a relationship is what can bring them happiness and success in work also. Later in life..they often regret this–:(  
 
I applaud your focus in your studies…….In my case- as a guy who asked you out, I’m President of an association of accounting firms and law firms and many of my friends are managing partners of these firms.  I also work with leaders of the California CPA Association and the Senate Pension Reform, in Washington DC.  
 
As you know, the job economy is very bad now…and most MBA graduates have trouble finding a good job, or have trouble getting promoted once they do have a good job. If you find a quality/successful guy..who is connected, your career can blossom like a flower….so, I would advise you to focus more on dating.  Also, if you find a guy who really cares for you—he would be willing to wait for you…and be patient with your busy studies—as I would also wait for you.
 
In full honesty, when I met you  ….I saw you as someone who could potentially be my wife—I don’t mean to be insincere and I thought Yoko is also a nice Lady.  I was wondering why you didn’t respond to me sooner…but I understand that maybe you were not checking your email often.  Yoko said that I should give you a chance and I said that we maybe could all get to know each other better….
 
I’m a local guy, who grew up in the Bay Area….who respects you, your desires and your culture—so, I’m someone who could show around and teach some too….although I don’t drink at all, I do know about wine by the way and I have helped advise some of the wine industry—so I know some wineries and have company clients that buy/sell wineries.  
 
Maybe you will accept a possible time of studying with me—-we could meet at a coffee/tea house somewhere and I could work on my laptop or tablet…while you study….that’s an idea. I’m looking for someone who has time, and who can be available sometimes….but I’m also looking for a wife for longterm—very seriously—so, it’s all a bit confusing.  
 
I know that you seem to be an attractive and nice person and it was very unique to meet you.  I’m not going to meet someone like you—-you are like a Jade Jewel being discovered.  
 
I wrote this Haiku for you…hope maybe a smile may be on your face….
 
 
 
To Find, To Know
 
Like a Flower Blooming
Sat the Lady Pretty
Eyes Holding Mine
 
Smiling She Said
Doubting She Fled
Now Telling 
 
Dancing Prancing 
Hearts Go Leaping
Sometimes Sandtrap Traps
 
Like a Mt. Fuji
I Could Be To Her
Giving Water and Life
 
Her Eyes Are Staring
Sky High Above Is Empty
Her Jade Is Hiding
 
Sadness In His Eyes
A Carpool She Sighed
Riding With Friends To No End
 
Now A Question
Mind Has Much Complexion
A Lady With Haste and Taste
 
Tango Dancing Is Not A Flurry
A Dance Needs To Welcome
Giving Chance To Romance”

He had used a pretty bamboo background, which didn’t show up properly on my screen. In fact, the background was BLACK with red letters. So my first impression was, “what an awful taste…”. I was caught up on the black screen but read the long message.  When a guy writes you a long message with poetry, who wouldn’t be flattered?

This was the beginning of his “womanizing tricks”, and I didn’t know…

How we responded…

When you reply “YES” to those who you were interested in at the speed dating event, and the other person also chose you, your email addresses are exchanged.  I wasn’t sure if the “shirt/blazer” guy would chose me since I had already turned him down the night before. But here’s what I got:

“Congratulations! Someone from your recent DateSwitch event has logged in, made their selections, and chose you!
Go back to http://www.dateswitch.com, log in with your email address, and view your past events to see all your matches.”

And I quickly received an email from the “shirt/blazer” guy…..

“Hello…:)

I enjoyed meeting you last night- at speed dating and I’m delighted to discover that we are a “match”–on the website. The site gave me your email address…so I hope it’s okay with you to directly message.

I was thinking of making some plans for tomorrow- Labor Day and wondering if you have plans? Or if you might like to join me for a fun activity somewhere? I’m also available tonight–if you might like to see some Jazz music maybe…”

I read the email…. but I wasn’t interested and didn’t reply… Then the following email came the next day.

“Good morning, 

I hope you enjoyed Napa yesterday…I found out from Yoko, who I talked to this morning. When you awake–feel free to text or call or email me—I will respond right away–650-XXX-XXXX. Yoko and I talked and thought it would be fun to maybe all meet for a fun activity today. Since Yoko and I are hungry and want some coffee—we are going to meet at downtown Redwood City at 11:45. I hope you join us….for a fun day—maybe we could look at art, or spend time in San Francisco or see a play/opera or hike or something…See you soon…”

It seems that he had also chose my friend too, and so did my friend.  So their emails were exchanged and started talking immediately.  I still was NOT interested and didn’t respond to his email.  I didn’t care if he got together with my friend, but another friend of mine told me that it’s impolite to ignore someone. She also told me to at least let him know that I’m not interested. After 3 days from his first email, I replied the following:

“I apologize for my late reply.

Probably heard from Kyoko already, but we had a wonderful time in Napa even though I don’t know about wine.  Anyway, I’m really busy with with studies right now, so to be honest with you, I’m not really looking for dates at this moment.
But I would like to be friends since you seem to be a warm person.”