Why

coffee

I’ve been thinking a lot about how Casanova turned into a Womanizer… He must have been a womanizer long before I met him.

I’m sure that his friends and family doesn’t know that he’s a Womanizer… He can never tell anyone about what he is doing to these women…

Why does he have to lie about being in love or having a future with her?

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12 thoughts on “Why

  1. OMG!!! I am so glad I found your blog when I did. I recently made the acquaintance of a womanizer (a lawyer) on match.com back in October. I’m a 35 year old, divorced mother of 1 child who hasn’t dated in several years since my divorce back in 2006. This guy tried to connect with me in August but I was skeptical at first because he outright gave me his cell number to text him via email on the site and I didn’t react right then because I had just subscribed. He is alot like you described but not as successful as Casanova. When I was into my 3rd month of my subscription(October) and not having any appealing hits, when he IMed me, I responded back. We immediately started sexting and met a couple of days later. After 4 meetings with him over the last 2 months and sexting each week, he seemed like he was too good to be true so I tried finding things on the internet about him for the past 2 months with no luck at first. He told me he was seeing other women before we met which I was okay with and thought we could just fool around. But after our 4th meeting, when he told me his full name I went looking on facebook again for a profile using his full name just last week. And then I found what I was looking for. His relationship status said he was “engaged” and there were pictures of him with her and I recalled seeing one of those pictures at his apartment but didn’t ask him anything about it when I was there. I feel ashamed knowing that I fooled around with him (but DID NOT have intercourse) and now knowing he is engaged to someone who may be oblivious to his behavior. When he tried contacting me last week to meet, I confronted him about my findings and he claimed that she knows how much he loves women (which I doubt) and he wouldn’t bug me anymore. I tried to previously shake him when he wanted me to fulfill some of his sexual fantasies either with another man, woman or film it and I refused but he kept coming back before saying I was too good at giving him oral for him to cut me loose and I would just do other things for him. He was great at touching me and kissing me like I’ve never been before but I now know it was all just a game to him and his match.com profile even states he doesn’t believe in games. I’ve been feeling weak this past week about the whole thing and sad that I allowed his mind play to affect me. It’s like I still want him to contact me even though he is no good for me and I definitely don’t want to be one of his “other” women. I’m going to keep following this blog to get past this. Thank you for posting this!

    • Thank you for your message. I’m so glad that you found out about his engagement before you got yourself truly involved with him, and be heartbroken and ashamed for being so naive… I know for a fact that Casanova sleeps with divorced women with small children, so I’m pretty sure the lawyer you met could’t care less of what happens to you and your child. I think that you were more cautious and smart than I was, which makes me believe that you would get over him soon. The bright side of this story is that you’ve made a big step towards dating again. You now know that womanizers do exist, but they are the minority. REAL guys are out there, so you must not give up!

  2. Thank you for the encouragement and I’m realizing I might benefit more in meeting someone in person rather than an online dating site. The latest development came yesterday when I was checking my match.com profile. I noticed the lawyer looked at my profile because he was near the top of those who recently viewed me (he hadn’t checked my profile since we first started talking) and he had a new profile picture of himself (he took his other pictures off last week and had no photos when I did a general search without going into his profile then) and I could see a woman next to him on a crappy beach but I couldn’t see her face just her hair because I didn’t want to look at his profile with my profile. So, I used a fake profile with no info to look at his profile and saw that it was his fiancee in the picture with him. I’m thinking he may have checked my profile on purpose so I would check his profile to see his new picture with her to maybe try luring me back in or to make me jealous in someway? I’m concerned with what kind of a guy does that and I feel sorry for her whoever she is. I’m just continuing with having no contact with him moving forward because I’m getting the narcissist vibe from him. I guess I’m more cautious about this whole situation because I was briefly married to someone with a similar needy personality that he has. This lawyer is definitely more sneaky with his approach and has more connections than my ex. The important thing you have to remember when dealing with Casanova is that he obviously can’t handle being alone and as long as you (or others) are available to him he will continue to call upon you to have his needs met if he can’t get it from someone else. You’ll get nothing in return and your needs in having a healthy relationship won’t be met as long as you continue with him. Don’t let him keep sucking you back in!

  3. I agree that meeting in person is better than online. So I don’t waste time emailing when a guy approaches me through match.com. One could be good in writing, on the phone, but can’t see the whole picture until we meet. The problem here is that I actually waste a lot of time having a bad date every week, but I would rather get myself out there to find the right guy.

    I’m not sure if the lawyer checked your profile to have you view his… Casanova checks my profile because he wants to show that he’s monitoring me… It’s kind of strange that the lawyer would have a photo with a woman on his side, because it’s usually a turn off.

    Yes, being around Casanova is unhealthy for me as he tries to control, manipulate, and takes advantage. Don’t worry, I’m well aware that he’s NEVER going to change and lie about everything. Right now, it’s kind of like a mission for me to learn more about a womanizer’s behavior and hope that readers would be aware of their existence.

  4. I’ve seen other guy’s profiles who have photos of women but they usually specify them as relatives or friends. The lawyer didn’t do that but I recognized her as his fiancee. I recall him telling me about the other women he was with and would make negative comments about them to me or that they weren’t as good or sexy as I was. He would be arrogant claiming that women loved him and I think he was doing that to manipulate and objectify me into thinking if I try harder at pleasing him then I would get more attention from him.
    As far as his match.com profile goes, I think he’s using his fiancee as bait to encourage competition with his other women (and maybe me still) to see how far they would go to gain his approval. He does say in his profile he likes pushing the envelope and challenging women but doesn’t want a traditional marriage or relationship. Casanova monitoring your profile sounds creepy considering he can’t see who you communicate with but sees how often you frequent the site but you don’t need to check an individual profile to do that because the activity of a profile shows up when you do a general search. As far as you and I both know, men like the lawyer and Casanova are never satisfied and unfortunately there are other women on match.com who aren’t aware of their behavior yet and I’m a little worried with what they may have done to others. They just like being a puppetmaster.

  5. I like that word “puppet master”. They really are!

    The Lawyer must be a womanizer since he does sound like Casanova. After I found out about his womanizing, he started to say things like “Do u want to know how many women ping me and how many I don’t see? Do u want to know how many women flirt with me in business who I don’t see in that way? I basically realized that you are so unique and special… I need ur love–not others—I want YOU—by my side. I find most women very unattractive… was difficult to find you Love”. Clearly, both the Lawyer and Casanova were trying to make us feel superior than the rest…

    I’m not sure about the photos in the profile though. To me it’s a turn off and would rather see photos of himself. It’s normal for a guy to have ex-girlfriends, female friends, and relatives, so I don’t need to see them on a dating site. It’s something that would eventually be shared during the dating (getting to know) phase. Talking about profile pics, I really hate the photos of naked bodies… they’re obviously proud of their looks, but it only shows me that they’re narcissistic!

  6. “Counselor-nova” had a black & white photo in his profile where he was looking at his arm muscle and flexing it in front of one of those beach showers and he looks like he could be naked but the photo ends at his waistline. Definitely a narcissist now that you say that!

    The reason I still think the photo with her was suspicious was he only had that photo on his profile for a couple of days last week and all of his previous profile photos over the last few months were only of himself or no photos at all. After doing some research online, I read that most guys who won’t post photos are because they are either in a relationship or married. Any photos he did use before were where he wasn’t easily recognized because he was wearing sunglasses, he was looking off to the side or he was faraway.

    I think it’s bad enough that he’s a womanizer but what makes it all worse that he is a cheater too. I don’t think she lives nearby either to catch him. I’m getting the impression that he may work and have his own place here but when we were in contact, I never heard from him on Fridays or Saturdays and he sent me random texts later on Sundays. I even told him I was free to see him on Sundays but he used watching football on Sundays as his excuse for not being able to see me then. I used to hear from him the most in the middle of the week and he would have evenings free but I wouldn’t meet him later because I was home with my child. The days I got out of work early were usually the days he’d have me over to his place for a couple hours before I had to pick up my child from after-school care.

    It’s amazing how many red flags I missed. I remember the 2nd time I saw him after fooling around, he told me to trust him without giving me a valid reason. That just gave me more of a reason not to trust him. Plus, I can’t get over how much he pursued me in the beginning and then he was expecting me to accomplish challenges to maintain our so-called friendship or whatever it was we were going to have. It was like I had to prove my worth in keeping his attention even if that included things I wasn’t comfortable with doing that he was asking me to do. He definitely wasn’t worth it. This sets me back emotionally and this whole situation makes me not want to trust men ever again but I have to keep telling myself that he wasn’t a REAL man to begin with.

  7. “Counselor-nova” was showing off his body then… lol. Casanova doesn’t have a naked photo, but he is posing like a model… clearly looks like he had one of his girls take it in his apartment.

    I never answer to guys who doesn’t have profile photos simply because it’s creepy, but I didn’t realize their reasoning.

    Womanizers are truly busy… not only because of their jobs, but trying to juggle with multiple women and his family. They’re extremely smart and makes you lose focus on what is right or wrong. That’s how I didn’t see the red flags either… It’s unnatural not to see your girlfriend on weekends or not constantly trying to connect with her, but somehow desperate women lose track… I think that you’re really smart that you caught him on an early stage. Next time, you won’t make the same mistake since you’re aware of womanizers techniques and you’re more confident I’m sure you will find a gentleman who wouldn’t make lame excuses like the lawyer did.

  8. Counselor-nova is still at it with the lame excuses and must have a shortage of narcissistic supply because he texted me today. I hadn’t heard from him since 12/19 and he said then he wouldn’t bug me anymore when I told him I wouldn’t have touched him had I known he was engaged. So much for that! He very briefly asked about me and how was my men situation and I mentioned they were great to look at when I’m at the gym. So he immediately jumped at the opportunity to start talking about himself and sex. I’ll give you the run down of our texting:

    CN: I bet. I’ve been jerking with this new guy who is so built
    Me: Jerking?
    CN: Off. Jerking off with to porn.
    Me: Are you bi?
    CN: No, but I can appreciate a big dick and learn new things. Every guy jerks differently. I learned how to cum multiple times within a minute.
    Me: Good for you.
    CN: Thanks I guess, ha. Would you ever watch?
    Me: I’ve seen you jerkoff already.
    CN: Not with another.
    Me: You’re like a horny teenager.
    CN: That I am. I love cumming.
    Me: I’d think anyone who does it loves it.
    CN: You stroke one so well
    Me: Thanks for the refresher course.
    CN: You must be hungry to suck
    Me: Not really, more interested in my needs these days.
    CN: Then a stern drilling.
    Me: Indeed & losing control.
    CN: Well you need to bend that big beautiful ass over for me so I can teach you a lesson.

    He proceeded to text me a cock shot of himself and below the photo he said “It’s ready.”

    Me: Would that be a lesson on how to be a mistress?
    CN: Can’t be a mistress when she knows I pound women. It’s what I love. Some like gambling, shopping or drinking. Not me.
    Me: Why marry then? Just be a player.
    CN: Player? You need to be drilled so hard.
    Me: No commitment to anyone
    CN: She knows I’m good with women. She knows I love to rough women up. No issue. Your big tits need to be slapped.
    Me: If it isn’t an issue with her why didn’t you say that in the beginning?
    CN: Why? My personal relationships have nothing to do with my likes. Would you have ever thought you liked being slapped?
    Me: Spanked yes, slapped no.
    CN: Well did I handle your tits well?
    Me: Yes.
    CN: Then when can I see u?
    I didn’t respond back to him and then an hour later he just texted, “Ok.”

    I still think he’s lying about her knowing and he seemed desperate. I don’t have any interest in seeing him again because I know I can’t trust him or the situation with his relationship. I keep wondering what kind of a woman would want to marry a guy that acted this way if she was aware of it?

  9. OMG! your text messages between counselor-nova is hilarious! But think about how he could have hurt you more if you didn’t know about his fiancé… If he had been clever enough to hide the pictures from you, he really would have messed you up.

    I agree with you about his fiancé not knowing about his womanizing, as womanizers do NOT want any of their woman to know the truth. In order to get the woman to work around his selfishness, the last thing he needs is an UNCONTROLLABLE person. Any woman who falls for a womanizer is naive…. including myself. I actually believed that I was loved by a man which any girl would dream of… I felt special and couldn’t be happier. Womanizer will blind you and take control of you… so I wouldn’t be surprised if his fiancé didn’t know the truth. IF she did know, maybe she’s thinking that he would change after marriage or doesn’t care so long as she’s a WIFE of a good looking and successful lawyer.

  10. I felt special as well thinking I was able to attract a good looking lawyer so I know how you must feel. Plus, Casanova is still single so he is technically up for grabs and more available as far as time goes. Counselor-Nova is only free to womanize during the week after work so he probably has a lesser amount of women plus tries to hide his fiancee from the other women and vice versa. I was definitely blind at first and I used to initiate texting (& sexting) him at times when I was interested in him and being naive. I’m still concerned with why he is backpedaling with me now unless he doesn’t have as many conquests as he had previously claimed to me. Usually when you catch someone in a lie, they take off for good. But not him. Unfortunately, he is still trying. He proceeded to text me for the next 2 days after that last conversation above.

    Wednesday 1/15
    CN: Hi
    Me: Hi, Sorry I crashed early night.
    CN: What’s up now?
    Me: At work
    CN: You should stop by.
    Me: Can’t working until 5. I can’t see you anymore.
    CN: Sure you can
    Me: ?
    CN: A good fucking is what you need
    Me: That is what you need, it has nothing to do with what I need.
    CN: You know you can have fun and still date
    Me: I thought that was dating. Does she date others too?
    CN: Yes if she wants to
    CN: R U home now?
    Me: Yes. Why?
    CN: I’d like to kiss you
    Me: What for?
    CN: I enjoy your tongue.
    Me: I haven’t agreed to see you.
    CN: Ok

    Thursday 1/16
    CN: Hi
    Me: What’s up?
    CN: Jerking
    Me: You’re such an addict
    CN: I do love it. Any guy would be addicted to your tits and mouth trust me.
    Me: Where is this rush coming from?
    CN: ? Rush of?
    Me: Your interest in me again
    CN: I’ve always had interest.
    3 hours later…
    CN: Free after work?
    Me: No, working until 5.
    CN: Ah

    No matter how much I say no to him or avoid seeing him, he still keeps pursuing and thinks I’m going to buy his story that she is okay with him fooling around. Over the last week or so, I noticed the same pattern with him. He wasn’t on match.com much over the past 2 weekends (probably with her) and then he was on alot during weekdays but I didn’t get any texts from him. I figured one way of testing him was to see if he really wanted to see me, he would call which he NEVER does. From my past experience, if a guy really wants you, he’ll call and come to you. He did neither which proves more and more to me that he’s lying. So today, at about 3:30pm this afternoon, he texted me “Hey.” I haven’t responded back to him. If he doesn’t take the hint this way and go away, I’ll either block his texts or change my phone number.

    • oh wow, sounds like a sex addict…lol. What he is doing could actually be a typical womanizer’s move. When I found out about Casanova’s womanizing, it took a whole month of phone calls and texting to convince him that I’m breaking up. He came to my house several times but I didn’t meet him. He kept on telling me that he loved me and how we belong together… even created a list of what he would do to get my trust back. It was only a game to him though. He liked the challenge of manipulating a girl who was losing interest and would have been a victory (satisfaction) if I was convinced.

      Too much has happened since then, but as you know, I’m still sleeping with Casanova. BUT please stay away from Counselor-Nova and think of yourself lucky to have found out at an early stage. If I can give you a little advise, after dating a womanizer, the next guy you meet is probably not going be enough for you. You would feel that he doesn’t compliment as much or not as exciting. But keep on dating until you meet your partner, because you won’t meet anyone if you stay in your house waiting for a miracle to happen. I can’t tell you how many men I’ve dated and getting quite exhausted, but I’m not giving up 🙂

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