How I came across another player…

Ever since I found out about Casanova’s womanizing, I’ve been researching on this topic. Fortunately I had not dated a player before Casanova, so this has been a hurtful experience, but has definitely turned into a learning experience. Though my heart was once stolen by Casanova, I have been on a journey trying to find the true “gentleman”, who will be loyal and honest with me. I’ve listed myself on online dating sites like Match.com and OKCupid, and also been to several speed dating events. I’ve been on countless dates since March, but no guy has gotten a second date with me….

Last week, I met with a guy from match.com. We didn’t exchange much information before the meeting but as he walked toward me, I knew he was not the relationship type guy. In fact when he greeted me, I could smell that he’s another player… The way that he was extremely comfortable with women and how he touched me while talking to me, was so different from most guys in San Francisco bay area. This area is unique as most people are in the high-tech industry and usually quite shy…

As he sat down next to me, all I was thinking was “how do I get him to confess”… Pick up artists make it pretty obvious that he is there for a one night stand, but players will try to hide their true intentions and tries to approach me with sincerity. It took me about an hour for him to confess that he is a player and that he is having relationship with several women.  He told me how much he likes to pleasure women, and can’t be in a monogamous relationship.  Well, I’m glad that I spotted a player and that he opened up, or otherwise I would have wasted another couple of months…

=== ATTENTION ===

I read on another person’s blog that Match.com is mostly for one-night-stands. In addition, I’ve already met several players from the site, so be aware that womanizers does exist on online dating sites.

Casanova has been trying for 2 weeks now to get me into a threesome and keeps asking me to bring a friend to his place… It all started from my stupidity of asking about his sexual fantasy 3 weeks ago and he replied immediately “threesome with you“.  Last week, he tried so many times to convince me and made himself available on a weekend. I had already made plans for the weekend weeks before with my girlfriends, so I wasn’t going to spare my time for a womanizer… If he had been a loyal boyfriend I would have tried to see him, but why should I try to meet a womanizer’s needs? He is a selfish person who only LOVES himself and cheats on ALL of his women.

threesome

Casanova is a successful businessman who is only 31 years old, 6’4″ tall, handsome and muscular. I have no doubt that there hasn’t been a woman who has turned him down like I have. So it wasn’t a surprise that he got angry when I kept choosing my girlfriends over him. He started to text me things like;

” 😦 ur being stupid”

” 😦 You are being messed up”

“It bothers me…that you didn’t see me and bring friends this weekend… you shouldn’t not see me because of a girl hangout… really messed up”

“please think about how ur treating me…”

“U should have seen me… upset is not what I get. It’s rude that u didn’t see me. I asked u several times and u also are being annoying. “

“U need to make this up to me. messed up.” 

His words were selfish with no respect towards me. It’s so obvious that he wasn’t thinking about how he chose to be a womanizer over a relationship with me. If he cared for me, he would have given me reassurance, or talked to me about how a threesome would benefit me too…

He probably has about 8-10 women who thinks that he’s a boyfriend, while he is actively dating women from match.com making them also believe that he wants a wife. He even said to me yesterday “I feel helpless…and lost without you”

How he asked for a threesome…

I don’t exactly remember when but about 4-5 months ago, Casanova popped the question, “want to have threesome sometime? Would u want to watch another girl suck my Cock and then I fuck you while she watches?”.  I’m not sure whether this is true, but I hear that guys fantasize about threesomes.  So I replied to him, “If it’s your dream to have 2 women in bed, then it’s my dream to have 2 guys”.

I had forgotten about having that conversation until the other day when we were having sex, I asked him of his sexual fantasy.  Without giving a thought he replied, “Want to try a threesome with you”.  Casanova had not even tried anal sex with me but he wanted to try a threesome?!  Obviously I wasn’t understanding his philosophy and was confused…

Couple of days later he texted me, “When r u going to setup this threesome?”.  Because I had asked him of his fantasy, he was hoping that I would fulfill his wish.  I’m a person who is willing to try new things since I never know if I’ld like it until I tried it.  So I wasn’t against a threesome, but only if I’m the one who gets to play with the couple.  Though Casanova is a womanizer that I was once in love with, I wasn’t ready to face his penis entering another woman’s vagina.  I don’t even want to imagine Casanova having sex with another woman, so there was no way that I could watch the act in front of me.

Casanova tried to persuade me for 5 days to get one of my girl friends to join us for a threesome.  For a guy who always tells me, “I’m very busy. Trying to manage a lot here”, sure is taking a lot of time trying to manipulate me into threesome, and also making himself available for the play.  No matter how I explained him that no friend would want to watch me have sex, and that it would only make my friend uncomfortable, Casanova wasn’t convinced.  He would say, “tell them I have big cock and am very sexy and we could hangout— I have nice place, Jacuzzi etc….. come on… tell them details and they will want to.  Should be easy for you to get a friend to hangout with us… just tell them how sexy I am.  –they want to be with hot guy too right?!”.

I honestly didn’t know how to approach a friend even if I agreed to have threesome with Casanova.  But he told me to say, “we met at speed dating– he is very romantic and affectionate… I like playing with him- he is sooo sexy and hot… he’s really a hunk… I think I should share him a bit… he likes sex a lot… and is a purist– kind of traditional– very strong and masculine– sensual.. he has two residence, his Foster place is where he usually is.  He drives Porsche Turbo SUV and has nice place with Jacuzzi/steam rooms and likes to hang out in them… he’s never been with two girls… Tell them that I make u com a lot”.

Narcissist

Do you see how narcissistic he is?!  The words written above ALL came from Casanova’s mouth… he was being selfish and was not understanding the fact that it would be STRANGE for my friend to get in a sexual activity with me unless she was bi-sexual or a lesbian.  It doesn’t matter how good he looked or how much money he had, it was just unethical.

What also bothered me was that he believes that he is a “purist”.  He’s been saying that to me so many times since I first met him, but then he disguises as a gentleman and deceives all women about commitment and love?  He is hiding the truth behind these women because he knows that it’s unacceptable…. So what makes him think that he is a purist?  If he really believed his philosophy was correct, he shouldn’t have to lie about his life as a lady killer.

How I’m still played by the womanizer…

Dealing with a womanizer is one problem, but him being extremely narcissistic is another big problem. Worst of all, the fact that I’m still sleeping with him is only making my love life a mess.  I enjoy having sex with him so much, that I can’t resist his existence.  And Casanova of course is smart enough to take advantage of a girl like me, so he keeps me on a leash…

For about a week, Casanova has been asking whether I’m available to meet. Yesterday I finally went to see him in his apartment, only to be reminded of the many women he’s currently seeing.  Too many evidences were left behind…different hair, lipstick on the towel, food she’s cooked, places she’s cleaned… I met Casanova over a year ago, but probably know about Casanova than any other women that he’s sleeping with. I know his personality and style, when Casanova dresses up for a date, or when he is texting his girls/victims when I’m right next to him.  Casanova doesn’t talk about his other girls, but whenever I mention about the evidences that I find, he doesn’t deny and would say, “don’t tell me about it”. 

Casanova is juggling with so many women, that it has become natural for him to lie. He still says to me “I love you”, “It’s good to see you in my apartment”, “Honey… babe…I want to move closer to you”.  Knowing that Casanova is lying, I simply ignore because it’s a waste of time trying to correct him.

Casanova is an overly narcissistic person who is arrogant, needs constant admiration and positive reinforcement, fantasizing about success and attractiveness… which on the other hand could say that he is easily insulted, and have fragile self esteem… Every time I have sex with Casanova, he would ask me the same question, “I’m I the best fuck you’ve had?”

womanizer

In order to get myself away from Casanova, I went on a speed dating event for the 4th time… 16 men / 16 women attended, and I was NOT impressed with any of the guys that I met… But I won’t give up. I’ll just keep on dating until I find the right guy for me 🙂

How I tried…

3 weeks had passed since I ended my relationship with Casanova. I was on Match.com meeting different men, and thought that it’s time for me to go back to speed dating. The last time I went was in September, where I met Casanova…

Speed dating seems more productive than online dating for me. Even though he maybe good with emails, sometimes I don’t get the same vibe when I meet in person. On a speed dating event, I only get to talk for 5 minutes each, but it doesn’t take long to figure out if I want to know more about that person… When 5 minutes seems long, I know that I’m not interested.  What I like the most is, that I get to meet about 15 men in one night!

I signed up for a speed dating event in San Francisco, hoping to have an interesting evening.

But 30 minutes before the event, Casanova texted me…

“Ugghhhh…u really screwed me up..
I just feel abandoned by u and having a very rough time
Hope ur doing okay”

This short text, messed up my mind… without a thought, I was calling him. Casanova answered… we had not talked in 3 weeks, but as soon as I heard his voice, I realized that I needed to focus on the speed dating… so I hung up.

It was too late… the damage was done… Though I was speed dating with 15 different men, Casanova was on my mind. Not only was I thinking about the text message, but I was comparing each men with Casanova… During the short break, I checked my phone. And there it was, another text message from Casanova.

“Just had car accident- someone did hit and run on my car in parking lot- they rear- ended me- I watched it happen from outside my car–horrible day..-:(  “

Why did he have to text me on the day I go back to speed dating… It was as if he knew what I was up to… I was upset about myself. I was easily distracted by Casanova’s words, and ruined an opportunity to have a good conversation with those men.

The next day, I was still feeling angry at myself.  So I texted Casanova, “Why did you have to text me yesterday. U screwed me up 😦  “

Casanova replied,  “Because I miss u and am disappointed in u”

And the texting didn’t end here…

How he kept me close by without seeing me…

Casanova actually drove 30 minutes just to pick me up and drive me to San Jose that Sunday morning. This really was nice of him, and I was falling for his kindness.

But now that I think back, I think that it was after this day that he started to look for the next victim. Though he texted/called me through out the week, he told me that he had family engagements that weekend. At that time, I didn’t doubt him, but I know now that whenever he says family/friend engagements, it’s a lie.

===ATTENTION===

Womanizers are ridiculously busy. They are FAKE busy. They will make stupid excuses… which I found out a couple of months later…

It was the first weekend that I didn’t see Casanova. I had a lot to do that weekend, but I kept wondering what he was doing. Even though he wasn’t there, he was in my mind. He must have known that because he called to check how I was doing, and also to tell me that he really misses me. We talked for about 30 minutes, but just that one phone call made me feel secure.

The following week, I had to fly to Boston. I didn’t ask Casanova to drive me to the airport, because my flight was a redeye that was departing SFO late at night. I was in Boston for 4 nights, but Casanova didn’t text me nor call me. My barometer was telling me that there was something going on…

I called several times from Boston, but he never returned my calls. He knew when I was flying back, but he didn’t pick me up at the SFO airport. I texted him saying that “we should be able to talk if we’re in a relationship. If you keep your silence, I will never understand why you are upset with me. Please talk”.

===ATTENTION===

Womanizers will blame everything on you. It’s never his fault. He will make you feel bad for anything that goes wrong.  (I found out later that he was seeing another girl while I was in Boston, and the day I came back from Boston, he was at a speed dating event)

I waited for a while at the airport, but decided to take the Bart back home. On the way back, Casanova finally called me. He told me that he was insulted as a boyfriend for not been asked for help, and not talking to him sexually was also an insult.  For the first time, I found out that he wanted me to talk dirty to him. He talks a lot during sex, but I didn’t know that he wanted me to do the same.

===ATTENTION===

Womanizers does like dirty talk, but he’s only manipulating your subconscious in order to have sex asap. However, in this case, he was only making me feel bad when actually he was busy with other women.

I apologized for not asking him for the ride to the airport, and that I wasn’t talking enough about him sexually. He tells me that I need to talk dirty to him right now! But I was on Bart, and there were people listening. He said that he didn’t care, and needed to hear me talk now!

Of course I refused to talk dirty in public, so I waited until I got off the train. No matter what I said, he said it wasn’t enough. I had NOT talked dirty with my previous relationships, so I really didn’t know what he expected…

About 45 minutes on the phone, he told me that he is outside my place waiting for me…

How our first kiss went…

I had doubts about Casanova. We met at the speed dating event where I went with 3 girl friends. Out of the 15 girls there that night, he chose me and my friend Kyoko, knowing that we were friends.  He had a date with Kyoko first and kissed. Then went out with me couple of days later… Is that normal?

I kissed him on our second date… but I immediately pushed him away… Casanova had a beard that was hurting my face. Again, he was shocked at my reaction… a reaction that he probably never have gotten before.

He didn’t know how to react and went to the bathroom while I sat there thinking about the reaction I made… yes, it was rude of me… I know. And I feel bad for having done that to him.

I don’t know how long he was gone, but when he came back, I could tell that he was still in shock. Now it was my turn to fix the situation… as he sat down next to me again, I put my hands between his thighs… and to his “thing”. He immediately was turned on by hands… so turned on that he was all over me. I was concerned about the people around us watching with cold eyes, but he didn’t seem to care. I kind of got the feeling that if we didn’t leave now, the hotel would kick us out, so I told Casanova that it was time I went home.

Since he had been paying everything so far, I went to the bar to pay. Casanova came to stop me and said, “don’t ever get your purse out. I’ll take care of you from now on”.

===ATTENTION===

A womanizer moves very fast. He is already telling me that he wants to take care of me… He had told me in his long email that he thought of me as a “potential wife“. A womanizer wants to reach his goal as soon as he can, so he doesn’t waste his time.

While Casanova took care of the check, I waited by the elevator. He came from behind, still turned on from earlier, he was touching and kissing me hard… almost as if he was ready to have sex with me in public.

But I’m a classy girl and don’t give in that easily. I asked him to take me home since I had some studying to do. And like a gentleman, he drove me back… told me that he’s been on many dates, but this was his BEST second date he’s had…

How we came to our first date…

After reading his long email, or should I say “love letter”, I thought that I should give him a chance. So I agreed to have a coffee/tea on a Friday evening. His emails were sweet. An email can sound exciting even though you can’t hear his voice. Maybe he really was excited to see me… he gave me a choice of 3 dates, all of which did NOT involve coffee/tea but DINNER.

I told Kyoko that I agreed to meet him on a Friday evening. She had been a long time friend, and I thought that she should update her since she went on a date few days ago.  She then told me about the day when a brunch that lasted until night, and that there is still something going “ON” with him.  Immediately after she told me, I thought that I shouldn’t see him because I didn’t want to get in they way IF something is happening between them.  But Kyoko said that I should meet him if he is asking for a chance.

So I did.  He came to pick me up on Friday evening, at San Francisco financial district. Though I had met him at the speed dating event, I didn’t realize how tall he was.  He was 6’4″, wore dark blue jeans with a belt, shirt, and a navy blazer.  He sure was attractive…

=== ATTENTION===

This is a hint that he could be a womanizer.  If you live in the San Francisco Bay Area, you should know that most people dress fairly casual.  Womanizers know that a “clean” look impresses a woman.

I got on to his white Lexus SUV, where he had planned where to park, where to walk, and where to eat (of course, he had made reservations). As we were walking, we passed a homeless person.  There are so many homeless people in San Francisco that makes me worry about the economy and how screwed up the system is.  I began talking about how many people lost their homes back in 2008-2009, when he told me about how the city could help the poor.

=== ATTENTION===

This is another hint. A womanizer will find a way to relate to your story. He will make you think that you have many things in common.

We talked about our 5 minutes at the speed dating.  While I couldn’t remember what we talked about, he remembered our conversation, how I dressed, how I talked, and how I was sitting.  This kind of made me feel bad, but at the same time made me think that he really was interested in me.

Couple of hours flew by pretty fast, and he drove me back home.  That night, I read his long email with the poem again, and realized how much he wanted to get to know me.  I sent him an email, thanking him for the dinner, and also to tell him that I read his email again.

He replied,  “Good night Lady….. Enjoyed our time….falling asleep and thinking of u… “