How to spot a womanizer…

I came across an interesting article on “How to spot a player” on match.com.  I say it’s interesting because only half of the list fits Casanova’s profile and made me wonder if it’s this easy to spot one…

1. Being too vague is a bad thing – Casanova has accomplished so many things that he could and will explain in details.  His story telling is so good, that people are drawn to his speech… He doesn’t have to be vague about his work because it’s all written on the LinkedIn profile with many recommendations from his clients and co-workers.  He has well over 500 connections and it’s just impossible to lie…  Casanova is not only intelligent, but he can play sports, chess, poker, watched a lot of movies, listens to all sorts of music, so his stories aren’t made up.  Casanova will even talk about his past relationships, but since he’s such a smooth talker and remembers what he says, it won’t sound vague at all.

2. Beware of radical departures from the online profile – As mentioned above, Casanova doesn’t lie on his profile except from his willingness to find the special person. He even displays his age preference from 21-45, which should be a yellow flag but desperate or vulnerable woman don’t catch that.  So I think he’s being pretty honest here, and it’s SO TRUE that he’s un-attached!!!

Hi- I’m hoping to connect with a special person, to explore the world together and build a happy relationship. Looking for someone who enjoys conversation and appreciates a healthy lifestyle. Some hiking/kayaking, drinking tea on a rainy day, getting on a plane and flying somewhere spontaneously, reading a good book by a fire…are all ideal activities. I’m accomplished in my career, un-attached and ready for a relationship.

Seeking:women 21-45

3. Your date is prone to last-minute cancellations – This is true with Casanova.  He will give a lame excuse to cancel the date or change the time.  He would say things like “have dinner with client”, “have an early meeting tomorrow…need to go to bed early”, or “exhausted and not feeling sexual”.  Other men I’ve dated came to see me after a business trip or wanted me to come over even if they had an early meeting, so I know when Casanova cancelled, it was for another reason.

4. Your date’s available only on certain days – This is true too.  For the first 4 months into dating, he spent most weekdays and weekends seeing me.  He didn’t care what time of the day, he tried see me whenever he wanted to.  But in the 5th month, it all started to change.  He mostly saw me on weekdays and started giving me excuses for the weekend. When I witnessed him with another woman last year on a Sunday afternoon, he had originally told me that he had to work.  I guess when he said “work”, he meant “work on finding the next victim”.

5. Be cautious of the date who never invites you to his or her place – this is NOT true. Casanova will invite a girl to his place on the first date as he actually prefers to show his “playboy mansion”.  He has a great view, fireplace, luxury furniture…. he cooks, lights his beeswax candles, uses his B & O speaker, 60inch smart tv…. he makes it so romantic that most girls would sleep on the first night…

6. Take note if your date recognizes and says hi to everyone in the immediate vicinity – this does NOT happen either.  Casanova and I used to date outside a lot but never ran into somebody we knew.  Unless we live in a small town, San Francisco Bay Area is too big to run into someone.  Like I’ve mentioned before, I ran into him with another woman last year, but that was the ONLY time.

7. Keep your eyes on your sweetie’s cell phone – now this, I agree 100%.  When I started to date Casanova, he would either hand me his cell phone, or hardly ever looked at it.  But a couple of months later, he was constantly checking his phone without turning the ringer on.  He can text faster than any voice recognition software or any typing game, plus he now uses a smartwatch so it’s hard for a girl to look into his screen, but it’s pretty obvious to me when he’s texting to girls by looking at his face and how he hides the phone.

8. And finally, trust your intuition – yes yes yes!  I saw the Yellow flags but ignored them until the red flags showed up.  I still can’t believe how blind Casanova’s woman are by missing the obvious signals and believe in his lame excuses.  How could a 32 year old successful good looking guy settle down?  Unless she’s a goddess, he’s not going to give up the joy of manipulating dozens of woman and feeling the power of control.  Why would he?

key

http://www.match.com/magazine/article/13072/How-To-Spot-A-Player/

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How toxic he is…..

Confidence comes from experience.  Job, interview, cooking…. the more you practice, fear fades away and knowledge increases… which is no different with womanizing and he will only get better and better in his seduction skills.  When I first met Casanova last year, he was already an expert in dating, as he told me from the beginning that he’s had many first dates.  He acted like a rare gentleman in Silicon Valley, spent a lot of money and time with me, and took his time in foreplay and sex until he won over my skepticism.

Casanova is an extremely smart business person who leads a large group of executives from accounting and law firms.  I’ve listened to his business calls and sat in his meeting, so I know for a fact that he influences many people way over his age.  Through his accomplishments, he has gained more power and control over them, and has become extremely confident about his talent and says, “there’s nothing that I can’t solve”.

On top of his womanizing and business skills, he has become more athletic, upgraded his car and apartment among with other things around him.  He’s become the master of womanizing that I assume if he sent 15 mails on match.com, 90% of women would immediately respond.  He would go on a first date with every one of them and eliminate anyone who insults him.  When a person becomes narcissistic as Casanova, he can’t take any type of criticism.  From there, he would have sex with anybody…..

He told me that he redecorated his “playboy mansion for business purpose”… meaning he’s made it easier for a woman to fall into his trap.  After he’s had the excitement of first sex, he only keeps the women who would benefit him.  I assume he keeps a variety of women, from accountants to lawyers, engineers, medical doctor, entrepreneurs, sales representatives from large software companies, etc.  It will probably only take him 2 dates for her to want Casanova so badly that she would start changing herself to become his IDEAL girlfriend.  It’s good for a woman to feel the need to be a better person, but Casanova would ask her to stop by at WholeFoods to get his groceries, go to FedEx to print his documents, wash his dishes and vacuum the apartment, research something on the internet, etc.  He would ask in a way a woman would feel like she’s involved and needed in his LIFE.  I know this because he’s asked me in the past, and whenever I visit his apartment, there’s so many evidences for me to track.

puppet

After dating with a lot of guys after Casanova, I’m finally waking up from his spell to recognize that REAL men will try to be compatible with me because they have flaws themselves.  They won’t demand or use me, but instead finds a way to accommodate my needs.  It’s NOT one-sided, and he tries call or see me every chance he gets.  How could I have forgotten that?  With Casanova, he will come up with ridiculous excuses like “I’m super swamped”.  He will only invite the girl over when she is needed for her part, or when his “first date” didn’t go as planed and suddenly becomes available.  Casanova will use sex as a tool to get her working like a servant.

How unrealistic he is…..

When I first met Casanova over a year ago at speed dating, he asked me out right away but I turned him down. However, our email addresses were exchanged through the event, and without hesitation, he emailed me a couple of times for a date. I told him that I wasn’t interested, but he wrote a long email back to appeal his success, how he thought of me as a potential wife, and how I should give him a chance…  At that time, I wasn’t impressed with his success nor did I take his words seriously.

Even a couple of months after we started dating, there was a part of me that was still in doubt about his LOVE towards me.  He was only 30 years old at that time, but was driving a BMW, dining at five-star restaurants, on the Board of Directors, tall and handsome… How could a guy like him be at a speed dating event when he was always getting attention from women wherever he goes?  Why would a 30 year old successful guy want to get married?  He was TOO GOOD to be true… but we had passionate sex, he often called me or texted me, tried to see me quite frequently, talked about how much he loved me and wanted me….. and I finally fell for him.  If only I had not turned into a greedy woman who believes that a PERFECT guy could actually settle down with one woman, I wouldn’t be in this Harlem relationship.

I was at Casanova’s apartment a few days ago, surrounded by the evidences other women were leaving.  He was staring at me while he was inserting his huge dick and giving me a pleasure that runs through to the tip of my fingers and toes…. I knew and felt this was all wrong.  While getting my orgasm I said, “how can I get rid of you?! Tell me!”.  As Casanova put his pants back on he replied, “NO. You can’t get rid of me!!!”.

While Casanova was beside me in his apartment, I was receiving text messages from men… Of course Casanova doesn’t look at my cell phone, nor do I look at his, but I’m pretty sure that Casanova was texting his many girlfriends too…. really, how messed up was that?!  Why I’m I torturing myself with this disrespectful and selfish maniac?!

A friend once told me, “treat yourself as you would to your daughter. If you had a daughter, would you let her stay with Casanova?”.

shaving

What womanizers think of women…

I got a chance to talk to another womanizer the other day through a friend.  Since I knew he’s a womanizer, he wasn’t going to hit on me nor was he going to hide his secrets with me… He told me that he currently has about a dozen of girls who all think of themselves as “girlfriend”, and doesn’t have a clue that he’s cheating on them. He called them all “STUPID” since he would always tell them ridiculous excuses for not being able to see or call them everyday… but no women seem to argue or question him. He repeatedly said to me, “they’re so STUPID!“.  As a women myself, I felt insulted and wanted to lecture him but unfortunately these women really are stupid….. women can be so naive, desperate for love, that they’re easily blinded by a womanizer.

He told me that he studied about woman as if it were his main job, so he knows exactly what a woman wants to hear and see.  He knows how to make his match.com profile interesting and likable by most women, and he knows what kind of email approach women are waiting for.  He has photos that was pretty obvious to me that he had one of his girls take it, but apparently no girl had questioned him.  I guess women don’t look at match.com after finding her match because if she did, she would wonder why his status is always ONLINE, within 24 hours, or within 3days.  Maybe there aren’t enough men out there who can please a woman like he could… Maybe some women know that he’s cheating, but somehow rationalize the act.

=== ATTENTION ===

Womanizers are really charming, but they will manipulate and take control of you… girls… please watch out for these guys…. they’re out there looking for the next victim.  Womanizers choose to cheat… it’s NOT a mistake.

lounge chair

I’m still continuing to experiment sleeping with guys without feelings… Having been warned from girlfriends that WOMEN get emotionally attached to a guy after having sex, I wanted to see if I would become attracted… actually for my own sake, I want to get attracted and be released from Casanova.  But even after several sex, I still want to leave the apartment as soon as possible. It seems that some MEN also get emotionally attached after sex, since I am being booked for date after date, have been asked more questions about myself, and talks more about himself…. Men are doing what I ask them to do… but this is not making me satisfied at all.  In fact, I’m feeling bad about what I’m doing and don’t know how long I can continue.  The more I experiment, the more I am convinced that womanizers have NO respect for women and ONLY loves himself.  They would lie about about everything to get what he wants, but it’s always the women getting hurt and NOT him… they have NO sympathy towards women, and that’s how they are able to continue cheating.

What it takes to understand a womanizer…

I’ve been on match.com since March and have met a ridiculous amount of guys for a first date. Most people tell me that I’m too picky and that I’m not giving any guy a chance to go on a second date… and they’re right.  I was always comparing the guys with Casanova, that it was becoming impossible for any guy to come close to me.

But I finally realized that my countless dating was not going anywhere…. so I’ve loosened my boundaries and decided not to leave immediately after dinner this time (yes, I’ve been having dinner at nice restaurants, never paid a bill, but always went straight home leaving the guy wondering why I left).  I told this guy that I would go with the flow and follow his lead.  It would be a lie if I said, “I didn’t think that he would take me to his apartment on a first date”, because both men and women wants to be in a romantic moment and have passionate sex in the future. It just depends on how early you want it to happen.

This might sound insincere, but I wanted to see how womanizers are doing this everyday.  How they sleep with different women everyday without any of them noticing that his penis has been entering another girls vagina the day before. So I made myself irresistible for him, and had sex in his gorgeous apartment in downtown San Francisco.  This was my first time that I slept with a guy without feelings….

Next day, he asked me to come over to his place again…. but surprisingly at the same time, Casanova called to see me at his apartment.  This was a perfect test to see if I could have sex with different guy within 24hours…. shockingly, I realized that this was harder than I thought… When Casanova saw my vagina, he immediately said, “you’ve been sleeping with another guy! Your pussy is different!!”.

Casanova was making a face that I’ve never seen before… He was too narcissistic to realize that I could sleep with another guy and was freaking out.  I knew that I could NEVER tell him the truth, so I told the same lies he used to tell me, “you’re crazy! I am not sleeping with anybody else! You’re imagining things. Really messed up!”, and calmed him down.

Casanova eventually inserted his penis in me again saying, “it feels different. Your pussy is different“… but I just made a straight face and kept on lying to his face… This experience has taught me that it’s not hard to lie…. womanizers has no feelings towards these women, so he could say anything he wants and gets away with it…

bed

How hard it is to get over a womanizer…

Womanizers are extremely good in making a woman feel special, and making her believe that she has a future with him.  He’s also very experienced in bed, so he will give her a great pleasurable feeling too. On top of that, Casanova is wealthy, young, tall, good-looking, and he has made the perfect bachelors apartment which attracts desperate women.  When a girl has stayed around him for a while, it’s hard to find a guy who can offer the same level of pleasure that he has provided.  In other words, a woman gets spoiled by Casanova….

I am one of his victim who is trying to find another man who can fulfill my needs.  I receive plenty of emails from guys on match.com and have met a decent amount of men… ALL wealthy guys…

Yesterday, I met another guy from match.com.  Just like Casanova, he was a CEO, BOD, extremely smart, and had money.  Due to his success, it seems that he had no problem finding a woman, but I was not interested. He took me to his luxury apartment that faces the bay bridge (a landmark that is well known in San Francisco Bay Area), decorated by a designer with expensive furnitures… Most girls would jump onto this opportunity, but I kept comparing him with Casanova.

Casanova doesn’t have dark chest or pubic hair, but he shaves it off. His penis was large, but it was definitely making me come every time… After being with a guy who satisfied me in bed too, it’s hard to move on to a guy that doesn’t shave his hair, and has a smaller penis.  Even though my heart was broken by Casanova months ago, I am still haunted by his memories and incapable of accepting a guy who seems to be very interested in me.

Bay Bridge

How I came across another player…

Ever since I found out about Casanova’s womanizing, I’ve been researching on this topic. Fortunately I had not dated a player before Casanova, so this has been a hurtful experience, but has definitely turned into a learning experience. Though my heart was once stolen by Casanova, I have been on a journey trying to find the true “gentleman”, who will be loyal and honest with me. I’ve listed myself on online dating sites like Match.com and OKCupid, and also been to several speed dating events. I’ve been on countless dates since March, but no guy has gotten a second date with me….

Last week, I met with a guy from match.com. We didn’t exchange much information before the meeting but as he walked toward me, I knew he was not the relationship type guy. In fact when he greeted me, I could smell that he’s another player… The way that he was extremely comfortable with women and how he touched me while talking to me, was so different from most guys in San Francisco bay area. This area is unique as most people are in the high-tech industry and usually quite shy…

As he sat down next to me, all I was thinking was “how do I get him to confess”… Pick up artists make it pretty obvious that he is there for a one night stand, but players will try to hide their true intentions and tries to approach me with sincerity. It took me about an hour for him to confess that he is a player and that he is having relationship with several women.  He told me how much he likes to pleasure women, and can’t be in a monogamous relationship.  Well, I’m glad that I spotted a player and that he opened up, or otherwise I would have wasted another couple of months…

=== ATTENTION ===

I read on another person’s blog that Match.com is mostly for one-night-stands. In addition, I’ve already met several players from the site, so be aware that womanizers does exist on online dating sites.

Casanova has been trying for 2 weeks now to get me into a threesome and keeps asking me to bring a friend to his place… It all started from my stupidity of asking about his sexual fantasy 3 weeks ago and he replied immediately “threesome with you“.  Last week, he tried so many times to convince me and made himself available on a weekend. I had already made plans for the weekend weeks before with my girlfriends, so I wasn’t going to spare my time for a womanizer… If he had been a loyal boyfriend I would have tried to see him, but why should I try to meet a womanizer’s needs? He is a selfish person who only LOVES himself and cheats on ALL of his women.

threesome

Casanova is a successful businessman who is only 31 years old, 6’4″ tall, handsome and muscular. I have no doubt that there hasn’t been a woman who has turned him down like I have. So it wasn’t a surprise that he got angry when I kept choosing my girlfriends over him. He started to text me things like;

” 😦 ur being stupid”

” 😦 You are being messed up”

“It bothers me…that you didn’t see me and bring friends this weekend… you shouldn’t not see me because of a girl hangout… really messed up”

“please think about how ur treating me…”

“U should have seen me… upset is not what I get. It’s rude that u didn’t see me. I asked u several times and u also are being annoying. “

“U need to make this up to me. messed up.” 

His words were selfish with no respect towards me. It’s so obvious that he wasn’t thinking about how he chose to be a womanizer over a relationship with me. If he cared for me, he would have given me reassurance, or talked to me about how a threesome would benefit me too…

He probably has about 8-10 women who thinks that he’s a boyfriend, while he is actively dating women from match.com making them also believe that he wants a wife. He even said to me yesterday “I feel helpless…and lost without you”