How to spot a womanizer…

I came across an interesting article on “How to spot a player” on match.com.  I say it’s interesting because only half of the list fits Casanova’s profile and made me wonder if it’s this easy to spot one…

1. Being too vague is a bad thing – Casanova has accomplished so many things that he could and will explain in details.  His story telling is so good, that people are drawn to his speech… He doesn’t have to be vague about his work because it’s all written on the LinkedIn profile with many recommendations from his clients and co-workers.  He has well over 500 connections and it’s just impossible to lie…  Casanova is not only intelligent, but he can play sports, chess, poker, watched a lot of movies, listens to all sorts of music, so his stories aren’t made up.  Casanova will even talk about his past relationships, but since he’s such a smooth talker and remembers what he says, it won’t sound vague at all.

2. Beware of radical departures from the online profile – As mentioned above, Casanova doesn’t lie on his profile except from his willingness to find the special person. He even displays his age preference from 21-45, which should be a yellow flag but desperate or vulnerable woman don’t catch that.  So I think he’s being pretty honest here, and it’s SO TRUE that he’s un-attached!!!

Hi- I’m hoping to connect with a special person, to explore the world together and build a happy relationship. Looking for someone who enjoys conversation and appreciates a healthy lifestyle. Some hiking/kayaking, drinking tea on a rainy day, getting on a plane and flying somewhere spontaneously, reading a good book by a fire…are all ideal activities. I’m accomplished in my career, un-attached and ready for a relationship.

Seeking:women 21-45

3. Your date is prone to last-minute cancellations – This is true with Casanova.  He will give a lame excuse to cancel the date or change the time.  He would say things like “have dinner with client”, “have an early meeting tomorrow…need to go to bed early”, or “exhausted and not feeling sexual”.  Other men I’ve dated came to see me after a business trip or wanted me to come over even if they had an early meeting, so I know when Casanova cancelled, it was for another reason.

4. Your date’s available only on certain days – This is true too.  For the first 4 months into dating, he spent most weekdays and weekends seeing me.  He didn’t care what time of the day, he tried see me whenever he wanted to.  But in the 5th month, it all started to change.  He mostly saw me on weekdays and started giving me excuses for the weekend. When I witnessed him with another woman last year on a Sunday afternoon, he had originally told me that he had to work.  I guess when he said “work”, he meant “work on finding the next victim”.

5. Be cautious of the date who never invites you to his or her place – this is NOT true. Casanova will invite a girl to his place on the first date as he actually prefers to show his “playboy mansion”.  He has a great view, fireplace, luxury furniture…. he cooks, lights his beeswax candles, uses his B & O speaker, 60inch smart tv…. he makes it so romantic that most girls would sleep on the first night…

6. Take note if your date recognizes and says hi to everyone in the immediate vicinity – this does NOT happen either.  Casanova and I used to date outside a lot but never ran into somebody we knew.  Unless we live in a small town, San Francisco Bay Area is too big to run into someone.  Like I’ve mentioned before, I ran into him with another woman last year, but that was the ONLY time.

7. Keep your eyes on your sweetie’s cell phone – now this, I agree 100%.  When I started to date Casanova, he would either hand me his cell phone, or hardly ever looked at it.  But a couple of months later, he was constantly checking his phone without turning the ringer on.  He can text faster than any voice recognition software or any typing game, plus he now uses a smartwatch so it’s hard for a girl to look into his screen, but it’s pretty obvious to me when he’s texting to girls by looking at his face and how he hides the phone.

8. And finally, trust your intuition – yes yes yes!  I saw the Yellow flags but ignored them until the red flags showed up.  I still can’t believe how blind Casanova’s woman are by missing the obvious signals and believe in his lame excuses.  How could a 32 year old successful good looking guy settle down?  Unless she’s a goddess, he’s not going to give up the joy of manipulating dozens of woman and feeling the power of control.  Why would he?

key

http://www.match.com/magazine/article/13072/How-To-Spot-A-Player/

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How he plays…..

Couple of months ago when Casanova asked me to setup a threesome, he told me to ask at least three different female friends of mine for their availability on the same time and day. I immediately realized that’s how he books his women from match.com.  He would ask several people for the exact same time, hoping that one of them will be available for their first meeting/date.  If he can’t meet any of them, he knows that he could call one of his so called “girlfriend” to come over.  Since he has many lined up desperately wanting to see him, he can fill his evening with different women every single day.  He sometimes gives me a choice of time (ex. 7am, 4pm, 7pm…) but never really books few days ahead.  Womanizers gets bored easily, therefore wants a variety of women from younger to older, scientists, accountants, lawyers, engineers, doctors etc… he’s not only using them for sex, but he wants information from them.  He always says to me “it’s business”, but these women have no idea that he’s using sex as a tool.

Casanova told me several times that he likes classy women, but what he actually meant was, he likes women who are inexperienced with men.  He used to tell me what kind of clothes he likes, and that he loves high heels and makeup.  When he sees his woman starting to change into his taste, he knows that he’s in control of her… If these women were experienced with men, they would know that she’s becoming a doll and losing her own taste.  I’ve had a decent amount of boyfriends before Casanova, and have dated a crazy amount of men last year, but majority of them enjoyed the casual side of me versus the high heels and makeup… they liked to see me without a makeup, while Casanova enjoyed my makeup.

If women were experienced with men, she would know how womanizers act differently from real boyfriends.  Real guys would keep asking for the next date, spend weekends together, and will let you leave your personal belongings at his place.  It’s in a woman’s genes to purposely leave her things behind, but Casanova will make sure that she doesn’t, or will ALWAYS hide them if she did.  I’ve seen so many evidences in his “playboy mansion” that I feel lucky to have found out about his womanizing (though it took me over four months to notice the red flags).

So why doesn’t Casanova’s women see the obvious?  The answer is simple…she’s NAIVE… she somehow rationalizes that “prince charming” chose her for a reason… that she somehow is unique and special to win his heart…

hotel

How he takes advantage of women…

Casanova probably has about 8-10 woman who believes they’re in an exclusive relationship, dreaming of their wedding.  As he did with me, he would make sure his women are fully spoiled, meaning they’re given a dream date that no other guy has done before, creates an illusion of being connected, and overly compliment to make her feel special and smart.  I’ve met a lot of guys after Casanova, and have NOT had a single person who could encourage or compliment like he does.  They say things like “I could stay in bed with you forever”, “Have you had a better snuggle than this? We’re a perfect fit” etc… which is nice to hear but doesn’t really sink in.  Anyway, Casanova will fully spoil and blinds her, makes her fall in LOVE with him, and eventually takes full control of her.  He will make her clean the apartment, gives her a shopping list, asks her to massage him etc.  She will be seeing less and less of him, but because Casanova never forgets to text/call everyday, she will quietly wait for him. He even texted me on Christmas Eve/Day and New Years Eve/Day, so I’m sure that he did the same for ALL of his women.

“Merry Christmas Eve… lot’s of working etc for me… trying to see fam as well… Hug… I’ll spend more time with you during next holidays… thanks for your patience… miss you…”

There was a time when I said to him, “You’re using SEX as a tool to get your errands done”, and he replied “Why not? All women wants sex with me!  It’s a girlfriends job to clean the apartment for his man”.  Though his women are treated like servants, I believe that women somehow rationalizes her act by thinking “I’m helping my boyfriend. I don’t want to upset him. I want to show him that I could be a good housewife”… Maybe they’re afraid of losing him… While she does whatever she’s told, he would be on match.com looking for his next victim.

womanizer

For about two months now, I’ve been sleeping with others myself, but it’s just been hard trying to juggle and worry about texting the wrong person or saying the wrong name. They stare at me with their puppy eyes waiting for me to tell them that “he’s the best”.  I don’t think that men believe in LOVE like women do, but they seem to be waiting for that special connection with me.  However, I’m sure they’re beginning to realize that it’s not happening and it’s not going to happen… And I know that it’s time to let them go..

How toxic he is…..

Confidence comes from experience.  Job, interview, cooking…. the more you practice, fear fades away and knowledge increases… which is no different with womanizing and he will only get better and better in his seduction skills.  When I first met Casanova last year, he was already an expert in dating, as he told me from the beginning that he’s had many first dates.  He acted like a rare gentleman in Silicon Valley, spent a lot of money and time with me, and took his time in foreplay and sex until he won over my skepticism.

Casanova is an extremely smart business person who leads a large group of executives from accounting and law firms.  I’ve listened to his business calls and sat in his meeting, so I know for a fact that he influences many people way over his age.  Through his accomplishments, he has gained more power and control over them, and has become extremely confident about his talent and says, “there’s nothing that I can’t solve”.

On top of his womanizing and business skills, he has become more athletic, upgraded his car and apartment among with other things around him.  He’s become the master of womanizing that I assume if he sent 15 mails on match.com, 90% of women would immediately respond.  He would go on a first date with every one of them and eliminate anyone who insults him.  When a person becomes narcissistic as Casanova, he can’t take any type of criticism.  From there, he would have sex with anybody…..

He told me that he redecorated his “playboy mansion for business purpose”… meaning he’s made it easier for a woman to fall into his trap.  After he’s had the excitement of first sex, he only keeps the women who would benefit him.  I assume he keeps a variety of women, from accountants to lawyers, engineers, medical doctor, entrepreneurs, sales representatives from large software companies, etc.  It will probably only take him 2 dates for her to want Casanova so badly that she would start changing herself to become his IDEAL girlfriend.  It’s good for a woman to feel the need to be a better person, but Casanova would ask her to stop by at WholeFoods to get his groceries, go to FedEx to print his documents, wash his dishes and vacuum the apartment, research something on the internet, etc.  He would ask in a way a woman would feel like she’s involved and needed in his LIFE.  I know this because he’s asked me in the past, and whenever I visit his apartment, there’s so many evidences for me to track.

puppet

After dating with a lot of guys after Casanova, I’m finally waking up from his spell to recognize that REAL men will try to be compatible with me because they have flaws themselves.  They won’t demand or use me, but instead finds a way to accommodate my needs.  It’s NOT one-sided, and he tries call or see me every chance he gets.  How could I have forgotten that?  With Casanova, he will come up with ridiculous excuses like “I’m super swamped”.  He will only invite the girl over when she is needed for her part, or when his “first date” didn’t go as planed and suddenly becomes available.  Casanova will use sex as a tool to get her working like a servant.

How unrealistic he is…..

When I first met Casanova over a year ago at speed dating, he asked me out right away but I turned him down. However, our email addresses were exchanged through the event, and without hesitation, he emailed me a couple of times for a date. I told him that I wasn’t interested, but he wrote a long email back to appeal his success, how he thought of me as a potential wife, and how I should give him a chance…  At that time, I wasn’t impressed with his success nor did I take his words seriously.

Even a couple of months after we started dating, there was a part of me that was still in doubt about his LOVE towards me.  He was only 30 years old at that time, but was driving a BMW, dining at five-star restaurants, on the Board of Directors, tall and handsome… How could a guy like him be at a speed dating event when he was always getting attention from women wherever he goes?  Why would a 30 year old successful guy want to get married?  He was TOO GOOD to be true… but we had passionate sex, he often called me or texted me, tried to see me quite frequently, talked about how much he loved me and wanted me….. and I finally fell for him.  If only I had not turned into a greedy woman who believes that a PERFECT guy could actually settle down with one woman, I wouldn’t be in this Harlem relationship.

I was at Casanova’s apartment a few days ago, surrounded by the evidences other women were leaving.  He was staring at me while he was inserting his huge dick and giving me a pleasure that runs through to the tip of my fingers and toes…. I knew and felt this was all wrong.  While getting my orgasm I said, “how can I get rid of you?! Tell me!”.  As Casanova put his pants back on he replied, “NO. You can’t get rid of me!!!”.

While Casanova was beside me in his apartment, I was receiving text messages from men… Of course Casanova doesn’t look at my cell phone, nor do I look at his, but I’m pretty sure that Casanova was texting his many girlfriends too…. really, how messed up was that?!  Why I’m I torturing myself with this disrespectful and selfish maniac?!

A friend once told me, “treat yourself as you would to your daughter. If you had a daughter, would you let her stay with Casanova?”.

shaving

What I’m learning from men…

When I decided to sleep with multiple men, I was warned from friends that I would be emotionally attached and end up in a mess with these men.  Well they were right about being in a mess… however, it’s not because I am emotionally attracted, but because I am NOT attracted.  It seems that the more I sleep, these men are expecting more than sex from me.  In stead of inviting me to their apartment, they want to take me to a trip, or want to take me to their favorite restaurant, or wanting to meet my friends…. So it’s actually the men who are getting emotional and not me.  I should be flattered by their reaction, but I am feeling horrible…  I can’t even call them by their names because of the fear that I would accidentally call out the wrong name.  I could be like a womanizer and call them with nicknames like “honey, baby, babe…” but I know from my own experience that it would only make these men feel closer to me. Men are asking for date after date, and I have to sometimes reject with a lie… and I hate myself for being dishonest and coming up with a ridiculous lie.

Now I see how Casanova was juggling… but the biggest difference is that he has NO heart and I do.  I feel guilty for my actions and think about how I am giving them false expectations.  Why do womanizers feel the need to deceive women with fictitious stories? I certainly didn’t have to create a fake world for them to like me…

Eiffel Tower tea light holder

I was in Casanova’s apartment last week and as usual, I found many tracks of women… These women must be blind not to see the obvious hints.  They must have fallen in love with Casanova and have lost their ability to see the facts that are lying in front of their eyes.  When I said to Casanova, “you’re the best PLAYER“, he smiled and replied “that’s a huge compliment”.  He was proud to be a great player and had no shame. And as he inserted his penis in me, he said to me “Please don’t sleep with other guys“.

What womanizers think of women…

I got a chance to talk to another womanizer the other day through a friend.  Since I knew he’s a womanizer, he wasn’t going to hit on me nor was he going to hide his secrets with me… He told me that he currently has about a dozen of girls who all think of themselves as “girlfriend”, and doesn’t have a clue that he’s cheating on them. He called them all “STUPID” since he would always tell them ridiculous excuses for not being able to see or call them everyday… but no women seem to argue or question him. He repeatedly said to me, “they’re so STUPID!“.  As a women myself, I felt insulted and wanted to lecture him but unfortunately these women really are stupid….. women can be so naive, desperate for love, that they’re easily blinded by a womanizer.

He told me that he studied about woman as if it were his main job, so he knows exactly what a woman wants to hear and see.  He knows how to make his match.com profile interesting and likable by most women, and he knows what kind of email approach women are waiting for.  He has photos that was pretty obvious to me that he had one of his girls take it, but apparently no girl had questioned him.  I guess women don’t look at match.com after finding her match because if she did, she would wonder why his status is always ONLINE, within 24 hours, or within 3days.  Maybe there aren’t enough men out there who can please a woman like he could… Maybe some women know that he’s cheating, but somehow rationalize the act.

=== ATTENTION ===

Womanizers are really charming, but they will manipulate and take control of you… girls… please watch out for these guys…. they’re out there looking for the next victim.  Womanizers choose to cheat… it’s NOT a mistake.

lounge chair

I’m still continuing to experiment sleeping with guys without feelings… Having been warned from girlfriends that WOMEN get emotionally attached to a guy after having sex, I wanted to see if I would become attracted… actually for my own sake, I want to get attracted and be released from Casanova.  But even after several sex, I still want to leave the apartment as soon as possible. It seems that some MEN also get emotionally attached after sex, since I am being booked for date after date, have been asked more questions about myself, and talks more about himself…. Men are doing what I ask them to do… but this is not making me satisfied at all.  In fact, I’m feeling bad about what I’m doing and don’t know how long I can continue.  The more I experiment, the more I am convinced that womanizers have NO respect for women and ONLY loves himself.  They would lie about about everything to get what he wants, but it’s always the women getting hurt and NOT him… they have NO sympathy towards women, and that’s how they are able to continue cheating.